In preparation for this article I researched several actual glossaries of woke terms. My surprise wasn’t that I found so many to research, rather that the zeal of their collective efforts to fold, bend, staple and mutilate the language of common discourse has remained so resolute despite so much ridicule and parody over the past several years. When SNL, the very embodiment of woke culture, parodies woke culture, it may be time to bid adieu. Still, wokeness refuses to grow old (unlike the rest of us), and therefore requires constant renewal and maintenance (just like the rest of us).*
Admittedly, my modest contribution to the destruction of the language for transparently political reasons is late to the game, although the list below strays somewhat from the traditional glossary format: rather than simply reiterate the intended woke definition of each term or phrase, I define it by its actual Doublespeak counterpart. Please feel free to comment below on my attempts, or add your own…
Affirmative action: racism.
Cis-normative: mangled attempt to simplify not-LGBTTQQIAAP.
Critical Race Theory: systemic racism.
Cultural appropriation: unauthorized flattery.
Femtech: niche products marketed to more than 50% percent of the population.
Follow the science: a religious call to arms invoked when actual science refuses to cooperate.
Gender fluidity: the end of feminism.
Identity politics: politics that devour their young.
Implicit bias: bias no one knows they have until a racist is paid to tell them they have it.
Inclusive: all expenses paid (sorry, couldn’t resist the temptation).
Institutional racism: generational racism practiced mostly by people of color against other people of color in Democratic cities.
Intersectionality: where everyone comes together but no one wants to live.
Marginalization: when margin notes become the main story.
Micro-aggression: too small to see but powerful enough to tyrannize all of academia, most Fortune 100 corporations and the entire Democratic party.
Mostly peaceful: exceedingly violent.
Non-binary: everything else.
Pronoun: a word that reveals one or more sexual proclivities.
Safe space: where elitists go to avoid free speech.
Transformative: a massive systemic modification designed to satisfy the smallest statistical constituency.
Transphobia: fear of the trans-mob.
Trigger warning: what you issue right before you pull the trigger.
Virtue signal: making a left turn into heavy traffic sound like a good idea.
White fragility: indestructible racism.
White privilege: what emerges from the process of converting non-racist whites into racist whites.
* The above terms and phrases are subject to change by tomorrow morning.
[Author’s note: Thank you for reading my work. Please feel free to republish this article on your weblog or social media accounts with appropriate attribution and a link back to Jeff Einstein 2.0.]