An Updated Glossary of Woke Terms

(the new Doublespeak)

In preparation for this article I researched several actual glossaries of woke terms. My surprise wasn’t that I found so many to research, rather that the zeal of their collective efforts to fold, bend, staple and mutilate the language of common discourse has remained so resolute despite so much ridicule and parody over the past several years. When SNL, the very embodiment of woke culture, parodies woke culture, it may be time to bid adieu. Still, wokeness refuses to grow old (unlike the rest of us), and therefore requires constant renewal and maintenance (just like the rest of us).*

Admittedly, my modest contribution to the destruction of the language for transparently political reasons is late to the game, although the list below strays somewhat from the traditional glossary format: rather than simply reiterate the intended woke definition of each term or phrase, I define it by its actual Doublespeak counterpart. Please feel free to comment below on my attempts, or add your own…

• Academia: the Wuhan Lab of lethal ideas.

• Affirmative Action: systemic racism for profit.

• Anti-racism: systemic racism for profit.

• Binary: undecided.

• Cis-normative: mangled attempt to simplify not-LGBTTQQIAAP.

• Critical Race Theory: systemic racism for profit.

• Cultural appropriation: unauthorized flattery.

• Democracy: what the ruling elite must first destroy in order to save.

• DIE: the imperative delivered by the Diversity, Inclusion and Equity industry to the Bill of Rights.

• Diversity: where everyone looks different but thinks the same.

• Femtech: niche products relentlessly marketed to more than 50% percent of the population.

• Follow the science: a religious call to action invoked when actual science refuses to cooperate.

• Gender fluidity: flushing feminism down the toilet.

• Green justice: class warfare posing as mob justice reimagined.

• Identity politics…

  • when applied to race: genetic determinism.

  • when applied to gender: genetic indeterminism.

• Implicit bias: bias no one knows they have until a racist is paid to tell them they have it.

• Inclusive: all expenses paid (sorry, couldn’t resist the temptation).

• Information: the weapon most preferred and deployed by the ruling elite in the class war against freedom; more specifically…

  • (Dis)information: what the ruling elite don’t want you to know.

  • (Mis)information: what the ruling elite want you to know

  • (Mal)information: what the ruling elite require you to know.

• Intersectionality: where everyone comes together but no one wants to live.

• LGBTTQQIAAP+: mangled attempt to define non-cis-normative.

• Marginalization: when margin notes become the main story.

• Micro-aggression: too small to see but powerful enough to tyrannize all of academia, most Fortune 100 corporations and the entire Democratic Party.

• Mostly peaceful: exceedingly violent.

• Non-binary: everything else.

• Pronoun: a word that reveals one or more sexual proclivities.

• Racial justice: class warfare posing as mob justice reimagined.

• Reimagine: the warning shots of class warfare.

• Religion: science.

• Safe space: where the elite children of elite parents go to avoid free speech for only $80,000 a year.

• Science: religion.

• Social justice: class warfare posing as mob justice reimagined.

• Systemic racism: the DNA of the Democratic Party.

• Transformative: massive systemic modification designed to satisfy the smallest statistical constituency.

• Trans-justice: class warfare posing as mob justice reimagined.

• Transphobia: fear of the trans mob.

• Trigger warning: what mostly peaceful protesters issue right before they pull the trigger.

• Virtue signal: making a left turn into heavy traffic sound like a good idea.

• White fragility: systemic racism for profit.

• White privilege: character flaw that infects elite white liberals when they try to convert non-racist working class whites into racist working class whites.

• White rage: what elite white liberals and five-star generals are full of when they describe working class whites.

• Wokeism: the missionary religion of classism preached by mostly white, mostly affluent, mostly self-loathing liberal secularists.

* The above terms and phrases are subject to change by tomorrow morning.

[Author’s note: Thank you for reading my work. Please feel free to republish this article on your weblog or social media accounts with appropriate attribution and a link back to Jeff Einstein 2.0.]